How To Communicate Your Needs Without Being Needy
So oftentimes we think we are being needy, when we are simply expressing normal and natural needs. We fear that we are request for "also much" or if we depend on someone, then "nosotros'll terminate up pushing them away or losing our partner." But the truth is, we all take needs in relationships. When we can own and limited these needs clearly, we avoid the trap of neediness.
The conflict between needs and neediness is rooted in the myth of independence. We try to stand on our own two feet, living on the conventionalities that we need to pull ourselves up by our kick straps. Instead, we're continually drawn toward relationships and the vulnerability of emotionally depending on others.
This is because we are hardwired to desire closeness and intimacy. When we acquire to honor this truth, we allow ourselves to step into healthy relationships where our needs tin can fully exist met.
There are iii primary needs that good for you and secure relationships prioritize. If yous can get grounded in these, and then you will succeed in showing your partner how to meet your needs (without ever feeling needy!).
1. Consistency and Reliability
To build, maintain and keep trust in a relationship, we need to experience consistency and reliability. And trust is a high priority need in relationships. It allows u.s. to feel secure enough to step toward greater vulnerability. Without trust, relationships deteriorate.
Let your partner know that y'all need reliability in your human relationship. Tell them that following through on their word, with deportment, helps you trust and rely on them. You may need to be specific about which areas in your relationship you feel this is lacking. The art is asking for consistency without the added weight of criticism.
2. Accessibility and Responsiveness
It'south a primary need in relationships to feel heard and seen. When our partners are emotionally accessible and responsive, we experience a deep sense of being understood. If there are emotional blocks and walls that create disconnection, so it is impossible to feel securely continued. And when we aren't feeling the vibe of connection, we start to wonder if we actually practice affair. This is where we oftentimes run across as needy through passive comments like, "Y'all only don't intendance" or "You never evidence me I'g special anymore."
To avert getting stuck in this neediness, exercise beingness calm and clear. Wait across the anger and defensiveness. Approach your partner from deeper emotions and try writing down what you actually need. If y'all're hurt because you lot're lonely, then tell your partner direct that you lot demand some fourth dimension together. Or, when they get abode from work, you lot would like them to connect with yous earlier turning on the TV.
It's a chief need in relationships to experience heard and seen. When our partners are emotionally accessible and responsive, we experience a deep sense of beingness understood.
3. Being Present and Engaged
At the beginning of relationships, nosotros are very tuned into each other. We are nearly captivated past infatuation over this new person. Over fourth dimension, this subsides and over years, we tin hands become less nowadays and more than distracted. Technology is of no help, either! From phones, iPads, and TV — our devices can pull us away from being engaged in our relationships.
It is essential and advisable to desire your partner's mindful attention. Ignoring, avoiding or dismissing your need to be cared for will fuel a bike of disconnection. In the end, you lot'll feel more and more lonely. Disrupt this bicycle by sitting downwardly with your partner and openly talk over your desire to be more present with each other. Together, you tin can carve out fourth dimension to connect and leave the engineering science and other distractions backside.
Whenever nosotros express or inquire to accept a need of ours met, we as well need to be prepared to render the favor. If you lot are request something of your partner that you are not willing to give in return, yous are merely creating double standards. If you desire your partner to put downwards their phone to engage with you, but you're still glued to yours, this just won't work. First, practice beingness reliable, accessible and engaged yourself. And so, move toward requesting the same from your partner.
Our needs are valid and they can but be received when we are articulate and direct. We go needy when nosotros dismiss what is truthful or avoid what we fear.
What gets in the way of expressing your needs? What resonates with you in this commodity? Share in the comments!
Images via Frank Terry for Darling Issue No. 12
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Source: https://blog.darlingmagazine.org/express-needs-without-needy/
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